Here you go, Lauren

Lauren told me to blog so I am. It's gonna be quick because I want to go to bed so no pictures but here's a quick list of things that have happened since my arrival in Florence:

1. Went to a butcher's counter in a Florentine Market. Plenty of gross pictures to come.
2. Saw the David. Taylor Lautner is more ripped and Andy Mientus is better hung. I was unimpressed.
3. My mother got screeched at for trying to take a picture of the David.
4. Went to Venice
5. Went on a Gondola. It was unimpressive but I could see how it would be fun with a Significant Other to make out with. They make out A LOT in Italy.
5 1/2. Felt like an idiot and lost a shit load of nerd points when I remembered that Firenze is the Centaur from HP. Mr. Tumnus is the fawn in Narnia.
5 3/4. Remembered this on a tour of Venice. Couldn't tell you anything else about this tour except that it was raining.
6. Tried to go to Midnight Mass at St. Mark's Basilica but left early because the flood sirens were going off.
7. Got caught in a massive Venetian flood and learned why all the locals wear rain boots all the time when the raised walkways abruptly ended and we had to walk for 10 minutes through freezing cold salt water that was knee-high at times. Not fun.
8. Bought a Venetian mask with green feathers and sheet music. I love it.
9. Tried to convince my mother to take me back to Venice in February for Carnivale.
10. See number 9.
11-infinity. See number 9. But to no avail.
12. Took a night train to Paris.
13. There was a plug in the train compartment. Watched like 4 episodes of Glee on a train.
14. Went to a Parisian department store. Decided not to pay 120 euros for a pair of skinnies, no matter how awesome they were.
15. Bought a sandwich.
16. Took a nap.
17. Was taught by my mother how to play Cafe World.
18. Went to Sephora. Had my make-up done. It looks awesome but there's a shitload of it.
19. Decided that I need translucent powder for theatre. It's great stuff.
20. Ate some delicious Indian food because it was less crowded.
21. Went to the Eiffel Tower
22. One-upped my brother by going to the top of the Eiffel Tower. It was cold and windy but SO worth it.
23. Saw a Japanese couple get engaged on the top of the Eiffel Tower. I was SOOO cute!!!
24. Had my first actual conversation with someone from my side of the ocean since being here (i.e. Lauren. Hence the title of this blog.)
25. Realized how much I love and miss all of you.

Happy Holidays!

Florence Day 1

So I woke up this morning not hungover. We went to the train station and got on a train to Milan. It stopped in Florence though.

I'd like to take this moment to point out that Florence in Italian is Firenze. Like the fawn in Narnia, played by James McAvoy who is very cute. So this city has that going for it.

I did some Steel Mags studying but mostly slept on the train (still jet lagged. ugh.)

We got to Sexy Goat Man City and went to our hotel where they did let us check in. Yay. Then we went to go eat. We ended up at this restaurant that ended up sucking. And the service was worse. Then we wandered around for an hour trying to find the David, only to discover that the gallery is closed on Mondays. The entire city smells like cigarette smoke so I had a headache so we were going back to the hotel. We stopped for gelato. This has reinforced my belief that a frozen dairy product can make any situation take a turn for the better. At the hotel, I took a shower, slept for like 6 hours, and then woke up at like 11:30. Now it's 2:30 and here I am. I HATE YOU JET LAG!!!!!!!!!

Rome Day 2

We woke up on Sunday RAVENOUS, went downstairs, and stuffed our faces. Then we went on another tour, this time, an ancient Rome tour. No cute boys this time. I was disappointed. We saw the Colosseum, Palatine Hill (where Caesar's Palace was), and the Valley of the Forum. Much of it was boring. Here are some highlights:

The Colosseum

The inside of the Colosseum

The Kitty wandering around inside the Colosseum. I wanted to bring him with us. My mom said no. I still think she was being unreasonable.

The funeral pyre where they cremated Julius Caesar

Then we went and found food. I had pizza. And wine. They have wine with lunch here. And the drinking age is 16. This is awesome. Then we went back to the hotel and slept off some more jet lag.

On the way to pizza, I spotted this sign. Yes, there is a McDonald's at the Pantheon. I'm deeply saddened by this.

That night, we took another tour. It was a little more offbeat. The tour guide was very cute. He was also from California. He was a total California Stoner. It was like he was from Park City! And yes, this means that the 2 cutest guys I have met in Italy have been British and Californian. Go Figure. Highlights from that tour:

This is a statue of some monk named Bruno. He was like Galileo but better. He pissed off the church by preaching a heliocentric solar system ect. but also pissed them off (and greatly impressed me) but going around saying that a.) Mary wasn't a virgin and b.) Jesus was nothing but a really, really good illusionist. Then he refused to retract his statements so they burned him alive. Over the course of several hours. Slowly and painfully. Using his own books as kindling.

I think he's my new hero!

This is a door to a church owned by an order of monks that, if I remember correctly, was named something that translated to "the order of death." (Note the skulls) Basically, during the black plague, they performed the public service of giving a proper burial to anyone whose family couldn't afford it. But then they ran out of space to bury the dead people. So they turned them into furniture. A chandelier made out of vertebrae. A couch made out of femurs. Really.

Then we went to the restaurant across from our hotel where we drank a shitload of wine. I wasn't hung over in the morning though. Apparently I got the no-hangover gene. Let's go get wasted!!

Rome Day 1

So on Friday, I literally sprinted out of Mama Godbey's exam and into my car. Within half an hour, I was at the airport. I landed in Boston and it took freaking forever to get to the international terminal. They make you work for it. I got on a very cramped, fairly smelly plane, took a sleeping pill, and began to struggle to fall asleep because THEY WOULDN'T TURN THE DAMN LIGHTS OFF!! It was an 8-hour flight and I maybe slept for 4 of them. We landed in the Rome airport and took a train into Rome itself. Then we had to find the hotel.

We were exhausted and jetlagged so this was a problem. After wandering around with our carry-ons for like an hour, we found it and they wouldn't freaking let us check in until 2! We dropped our bags off and started walking. We soon decided that we needed to sit down so we got on the metro. We ended up near the Vatican.

We looked in our guidebook for a place to eat and located this little tiny pizzeria. There was an odd-looking pizza. It looked like it was covered in potatoes and hotdogs. My mom pointed to it and asked what was on it. Something must have been lost in translation because before I knew it, he had handed a slice to me. Turns out it WAS potatoes and hotdogs. Not bad though.

After that, we followed the crowds to St. Peter's Square. We sat against a pillar and soon fell asleep. We probably looked like hobos but I now have the rather unique claim to fame of having napped just outside St. Peter's Cathedral. We went to a gift shop. You'll be sad to learn that I didn't get any of you rosaries, paintings of any of the popes, crosses, or anything of the like.

We went and got hot chocolate. If you ever, and I mean EVER have the opportunity to have Italian hot chocolate, DO SO!! It is pretty much melted chocolate mixed with heavy whipping cream. It's so thick you almost want to chew it but it is DELICIOUS!!!

We were supposed to take a tour of the Vatican soon so we went and found our meeting place. When other people started showing up, I was very pleased to find that there was a extremely cute British boy. Yum. A few minutes later, I turned around and found that he was wearing smart kid glasses. I almost swooned.

Here are the pictures from the Vatican that come with humorous stories:

This is a naked statue which is really nothing amazing. There are a lot of naked statues in the Vatican. Seriously, if you can't handle full-frontal, don't go go to the Vatican. What's interesting about this one is that he seems to be missing his dick. Sucks to be him.

This is a freaking MASSIVE marble bathtub. It was for Nero's wives. (he had 5) One of them would only bathe in donkey milk. For realsies.

This is a billboard. It is one of 2 big-ass billboards in St. Peter's Square. Either this billboard is especially holy or even the Pope sold out.

This is the nativity scene inside the Basilica of St. Peter. The sky was full of twinkling lights. The fire was one of those cheesy fake fires. It was one of the most over-the-top, ridiculously garish things I've ever seen in my life. Vatican FAIL.